Sixteen and Swooning
By: Katie Mattiuzzo
With flutters and firsts, passion and pressure, how do Christian teen girls hold tight to their standards while navigating the dating scene?
My first dating relationship was when I was 16 years old. The freshly washed black car filled with the music from his hand-selected playlist as we drove off on our first date to dinner and a movie. A seemingly mundane moment became magical in our car ride conversation when the song “Beautiful Day” by U2 came on. He leaned to me and said, “It is a beautiful day, you know?” My heart swooned with the emotion of 12 teen girls combined as the night continued.
Later that night he reached over and held my hand. Hand holding might have been fairly common for most girls, but for me who had never had physical contact with a boy it was enough to make me want to flee and throw up. I tried desperately to disguise my novice insecurities by carefully studying the interactions of Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst in the Spiderman comic book playing out before my eyes ... it couldn’t hurt to get some last minute tips from this screenplay couple.
It was a perfect evening.
My last first date was in January 2006 with the boy that would become my husband. The excitement was still there, the sudden bouts of nervous nausea, the swooning heart ... it was just as perfect as my first first date back in high school.
My
favorite movie quote is from Win a Date
With Tad Hamilton when Topher Grace’s character looks into the eyes of the
girl he’s secretly in love with and says, “Guard your carnal treasure.” That’s
what it’s all about ... guarding your treasure. Your innocence. Your purity.
Your emotions. Your heart. Keep it safe. Control who you share it with. This
might mean waiting to date until college when you’re more emotionally and
spiritually ready to introduce a relationship into your life. You know yourself
— your temptations, your workload at school, your involvement with church and
family — if a boyfriend would only distract and cause tensions in those areas
of your life, embrace this phase of single life and know that you’ll have
plenty of time to pursue a relationship when the timing is right.
When
you’re ready to date, here are some important things to remember:
1. Do not date an unbeliever. Second Corinthians 6:14 (NLT) lays it out
there — “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can
righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?”
Dating
someone who, at the very core of them, doesn’t know the same Truth is not
acceptable. “Missionary dating” may work a fraction of the time, but that’s not
God’s will for us or an ideal model of dating. Not only are you telling God
that you don’t trust Him to bring a godly man into your life by taking things
into your own hands, but you’re also setting yourself up for a difficult
struggle in your physical relationship.
2. Set your standards and stick to them. It’s not a matter of
just stopping when you’re uncomfortable. The line of what’s “uncomfortable”
will probably move the longer you are dating that person and as your affection
grows. Set concrete standards of what is not acceptable: scenarios,
environments, etc.
It
can be really difficult to maintain your standards because often it means
maintaining your pride. Compromising situation — your standards — embarrassment
— pride rebuilding — confidence and self-worth. But speak up when you’re about
to compromise on one of those standards and let this Scripture run through your
mind — “I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right
hand, I will not be shaken” (Psalm 16:8, NIV).
3. Keep everything in perspective. In a dating relationship
it’s so easy to get caught up in a wave of new emotions. Remember that God is a
big God who has big plans for your life. Breakups can knock the wind out of you
and be especially heartbreaking when it happens for the first time. When my
first boyfriend broke up with me I sat on my bedroom floor and cried
hysterically for hours. He was my first date, first hand hold, and first kiss
so the emotional loss I experienced seemed huge. But after a few days of being
miserable I decided that this wasn’t going to ruin my life. I was going to
enjoy the rest of high school, make friends, and look forward to the man God
would someday bring into my life.
If
your boyfriend is continually pushing the line you’ve established, break up. It’s
not worth running the risk of making a compromising decision you have to live
with forever. In the moment it might be devastating but in the long run you’ll
be at peace when you tell the man you marry that you’ve saved yourself for him.
In
every decision you make in your dating relationships think ahead to how it will
affect your happiness when you meet the man you’re going to marry. Take it
slow, be intentional, and be firm with your standards about the physical aspect
of your relationship. You want to be able to give someone your whole heart
someday — not the broken pieces left over from years of damaging relationships.